In my recent post, "From Burnout to Breakthrough: Embracing Abundance," I explored shifting from low-vibration habits like overcommitting to high-vibration practices like generosity. While many readers found the message inspiring, a thought-provoking question emerged in my inbox:
How can you give generously without overcommitting? Aren’t they at odds with each other?
It’s a great question. On the surface, generosity—giving freely of yourself—and overcommitting—giving too much—can seem like they’re cut from the same cloth. But they’re not. The difference lies in the boundaries you respect. When you have clear boundaries, generosity becomes a joyous act of abundance. Without them, it’s a fast track to resentment and burnout.
I’d love to say that I always understood this distinction, but the truth is, I’ve had to learn it the hard way. One particular experience taught me clearly about the importance of boundaries.
When “Yes” Feels Like a No
It started with Angela, one of my favorite regulars at work. Angela was vibrant and friendly, and she worked for one of the wealthy families whose children were enrolled in my programs. We laughed, vented about working in the service industry, and bonded over the frustrations of dealing with demanding high-end clients.
One day, Angela casually mentioned being between apartments for a week and asked if she could crash on my couch. The question immediately sent alarm bells ringing. I didn’t know Angela outside the store, and my home was my sanctuary—complete with a sacred meditation corner full of hand-carved candles, light-language scripts, incense, statuettes, and more. Plus, I had two roommates I knew wouldn’t be okay with hosting a stranger.
Still, I felt guilty. Wasn’t it selfish not to help someone in need? I told Angela I would check with my roommates. A few days later, I informed her that they said no.
But Angela didn’t give up. She asked again and again, each time more desperate.
The Reluctant “Yes”
Despite my repeated rejections, Angela finally returned with a new plea: she just needed a couch for two nights. I said yes against my better judgment and my roommates’ explicit wishes. However, I laid down ground rules: no luggage, no noticeable “footprint,” and absolutely no entering my bedroom.
When Angela arrived, things seemed fine at first. I gave her a quick tour, handed her a spare key, and reiterated the rules. However, when I came home later that night, I was greeted by a mountain of luggage. Further, Angela had made herself very comfortable—on my bed.
I panicked, but instead of addressing the violation head-on, I poured us cocktails, whipped out my angel tarot deck and some paints, and tried to make the best of an awkward situation by offering some readings. Before she went to sleep, I reminded her of the ground rules: no access to the bedroom, minimal presence in the apartment, and no drawing attention to herself.
The next night, things escalated. More bags arrived, toiletries were scattered across the bathroom, and Angela was confidently cooking in the kitchen as if she were a new roommate. Then came the bombshell: her other arrangements had “fallen through,” and she now needed to stay the entire week.
At this point, I begrudgingly accepted my fate. She was already settled in, and I was too exhausted to argue. However, I reinforced the boundaries—especially the rule about not entering my room.
The Breaking Point
The week dragged on, and Angela continued to ignore my boundaries. By Saturday, I counted the hours until she left. She texted me from the airport to let me know she had left the spare key on the counter as instructed. Relieved, I headed home, eager to clear my space and move on.
When I walked through the door, my relief turned to shock. Angela had left all her luggage behind, and, worse, she had decided to leave her brother's urn of ashes in my room! As I rounded the corner into my bedroom, his remains and harmonica were on the altar of my meditation corner.
Yes, you read that right. To leave him in a peaceful place while she traveled, she put his urn on my sacred altar without my permission.
The Lesson
This experience was a masterclass in what happens when you say “yes” out of guilt or obligation instead of alignment. I wasn’t giving graciously; I was overcommitting, ignoring my instincts, and trampling my boundaries. Generosity without boundaries isn’t generosity; it’s self-sabotage. Giving from an empty cup doesn’t feel like giving—it feels like losing.
Overcommitting vs. Gracious Giving
Here’s how to spot the difference:
Low-Vibration Giving (Overcommitting):
Saying “yes” out of guilt or fear of disappointing others.
Ignoring your own needs and values.
Feeling resentment or exhaustion as a result.
Example: Allowing someone to stay in your home despite clear signs that it’s not a good idea.
High-Vibration Giving (Gracious Giving):
Saying “yes” because it aligns with your values and capacity.
Setting clear boundaries and respecting them.
Feeling joy and fulfillment from the act of giving.
Example: Inviting someone into your home because you genuinely want to, with clear expectations.
How to Give Without Losing Yourself
The key to gracious giving is boundaries. They’re not walls; they’re filters that allow you to give your best self without depleting your energy.
Here’s how to find the balance:
Listen to Your Intuition: Trust your initial gut feeling.
Communicate Clearly: Set clear expectations from the start.
Practice Saying “No”: A kind but firm “no” can save you stress.
Check Your Motives: Give from love, not guilt.
Know Your Limits: Respect your emotional, physical, and financial capacity.
In Closing
The story of Angela's Ashes taught me an unforgettable lesson: boundaries are not selfish—they’re essential. They allow you to give with intention and joy rather than from a place of obligation. The next time someone asks for more than you’re comfortable sharing, remember that you’re not just honoring yourself when you set boundaries—you’re ensuring your generosity is truly meaningful. And let’s be honest, you probably don’t want to end up with ashes on your altar either.
Are you ready to step into abundance?
If you’re ready to embrace your full potential, set empowered boundaries, and raise your vibration, join me for the Color Your Spirit Certification Course! This transformational program blends tarot, energy work, and community to help you:
Break free from low-vibration habits such as overcommitting.
Align your actions with your values and highest good.
Create a life filled with joy, abundance, and meaningful generosity.
Don’t wait for your “Angela's Ashes" moment to learn the power of boundaries. Take the first step today and discover how to channel your energy into the life you truly deserve.
Let’s uplift your spirit and transform your life, one high-vibration choice at a time.
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