Finding My North Star
- John Mothershead
- Jan 17
- 5 min read
In August of 2021, I nervously clicked "join" on a Zoom call with Muni Syed, unaware that this moment would sow the seeds of transformation. Muni, a business coach for spiritual entrepreneurs, was offering a free website review to anyone willing to appear on his podcast. Terrified yet intrigued, I signed up, sensing it was an opportunity I couldn’t afford to miss.
I shared parts of my spiritual journey during that first call but kept my most vulnerable experiences hidden. Muni gently yet firmly encouraged me to unveil the unique magic I offered: my Angel Art Readings. I had been hiding them at the bottom of my website, uncertain if they deserved to be showcased. His advice? Focus on what makes you unique. It was a game-changer. From that moment on, I embraced my Angel Art Readings confidently, and my business flourished.
By the time of my second appearance on his podcast in July 2023, I was beginning to truly embrace my vision. I was hosting monthly Zoom Angel Parties, booking regular clients, and, during the call, confidently set the intention to publish Angel Party 365, a book I had dreamed of creating for years. At that time, I was also quietly working on something dear to my heart—my Angel Party Tarot deck—although I hadn’t voiced that particular dream out loud just yet. Within months, both projects came to life.
Yet, one piece of feedback from Muni still lingered: “You need to tell your story.”
Facing the Fear of Vulnerability
Muni’s words lingered with me, but I resisted. I didn’t believe anyone would want to hear my story. Worse, I didn’t want to remember it. Growing up as a closeted, scrawny gay boy, I faced relentless bullying that left both physical and emotional scars. As a teenager, I battled suicidal thoughts. In my twenties, I tried to escape through substances—first, the abuse of marijuana, then alcohol. My memories from those years are patchy at best, a trauma response that safeguarded me back then but now leaves me feeling disconnected.
I questioned myself: What lessons could I possibly share? Who would want to hear a story filled with missteps and missed opportunities? Would anyone care about my struggles, or would they dismiss them as irrelevant? Could my pain, mistakes, and imperfections genuinely offer value to someone else? And most of all, did I even have the courage to be this vulnerable and honest about my journey—and could I even remember anything valuable to share, or would it all feel like a fog better left forgotten?
The Epiphany: My North Star
Yesterday, I spontaneously joined one of Muni’s weekly marketing calls after a long, exhausting day. Even though I was hungry and tired, something urged me to attend. Within minutes, I found myself in the hot seat. Assuming I had prepared, Muni asked, “What’s your North Star?”
I hadn’t. I stumbled through generic responses: “I want to help others,” “I want to leave a legacy.” None of them resonated. Muni continued to press, "I come from a family of service," "I simply have to," and finally, I had a breakthrough. I recalled his advice to share my story and, for the first time in a group setting, recounted the story of my suicide attempt as a teenager.
As I spoke, more memories surfaced. Stories I thought were meaningless revealed themselves as breadcrumbs, guiding me toward my purpose. As I choked up and allowed myself to open up, I realized my North Star is to teach, heal, and support the little boy I once was—the boy who felt helpless, scared, and alone. I see that boy in my clients' tears, insecurities, and doubts. But I also see him in their hopes, dreams, and resilience. When my clients heal, that little boy inside me heals, too.
The Goal: Telling My Story
This year, I am committing to telling my story—not just parts of it, but the whole, raw, and honest journey. I will step into vulnerability, reflecting on what I’ve avoided and working to heal the wounds I’ve carried. My "Color Your Spirit" memoir will share my coming-out story and lessons about living authentically. It’s a project that is as exciting as it is daunting. As I draft the manuscript and prepare the proposal, I’ll share my memories, reflections, and insights on this blog with you—my most trusted audience.
As I embark on this journey, I invite you to do the same. What parts of your story have you buried? What memories need healing? You don’t need to write a book to begin this process. Healing often starts with small steps—like sharing a memory with a friend, journaling, or reflecting on your journey so far.
Here’s a simple prompt to help you begin:
Think about a moment when you felt disconnected from your true self. What emotions come up as you reflect on it? What did this moment teach you?
If you’d like to take it further, light a candle as a symbol of clarity and courage and write about what living authentically means to you. As you reflect, know that you’re not alone in this process—healing and authenticity are journeys we take together.
Words of Wisdom
If you’re struggling with vulnerability or feeling stuck in your story, here are some insights to help you begin:
You Are Not Your Pain. Your story is more than the hard times. It’s about how you’ve grown, what you’ve learned, and who you’ve become.
Healing is a Journey, Not a Destination. Don’t pressure yourself to have all the answers. Healing happens in layers, one memory at a time.
Your Story Has Power. Someone out there needs to hear about your journey. Your vulnerability could be the key to their breakthrough.
Start Small. You don’t have to confront your deepest wounds right away. Begin with a single manageable moment and build from there.
Seek Support. You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a therapist, or a community, find people who can hold space for your healing.
Join Me in Vulnerability
If you’re ready to explore your story and connect with a supportive community, I invite you to join my Color Your Spirit class. This program is more than a learning experience—it’s an opportunity to heal, grow, and step into your authentic light. Together, we’ll cultivate a safe, nurturing space to be vulnerable, reflect on our journeys, and transform the parts of ourselves that have longed for attention and care.
Through guided exercises, meaningful discussions, and creative practices, you’ll have the chance to uncover new layers of your truth and connect with others walking similar paths. Whether you’re rediscovering your passions, seeking clarity, or simply looking for a space to feel seen and supported, this program is designed to meet you where you are.
Class begins on January 19, and I can’t wait to walk this path alongside you. Let’s step into our stories—and our power—together.
I am Grateful for our paths the crossing and meeting, the adventures with as I today did a rewrite of 'part of my story' in bullet points. You John are an inspiration to me, for the journey that is the beginning, without an end as I know some of my story even now is so painful and yet I see the light flickering in the distance knowing we are survivors.
I have said this many times and I will say it many more. I am infinitely grateful for the Divinely orchestrated moment our paths crossed. I am so freakin' proud of how far you've come. You're inspiring so many others, myself included .Best of all you're a true friend and that is a gift beyond measure.