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Finding Courage to Live Authentically

Writer's picture: John MothersheadJohn Mothershead

I lived at home while attending the local community college during my first two years of college. I was closeted at the time, and though I led a seemingly active life—performing in local theater and engaging in politics—I felt profoundly isolated. I was terrified of being outed, so I micromanaged every aspect of myself. I policed my mannerisms, hyper-analyzed my voice, and tried to diminish my presence as much as possible to avoid standing out.


My outlets for exploring my identity were virtual. I spent hours in chat rooms, curating my MySpace page, and living vicariously through my pixelated Sims characters. The Sims became an escape, a space where I could create a version of myself that felt more authentic than the one I inhabited in real life. One day, I was so engrossed in my Sims’ world that I lost track of time. Despite the clock nagging me to leave for rehearsal, I couldn’t tear myself away from the computer. The life I’d crafted in the game felt more accurate than mine, and I was entranced; I couldn't stop playing.


When I finally arrived at rehearsal for You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown, I was late—and I was Charlie, the title role. I was reprimanded in front of the entire cast, and shame washed over me. That moment was a wake-up call. Was I going to let my fear and avoidance keep me trapped in a virtual world while life passed me by? That night, I deleted the game. But the truth is, I wasn’t just avoiding my responsibilities; I was avoiding my authentic self.


Two people in cartoon-like costumes stand on stage. One wears a yellow shirt with a zigzag pattern, the other a striped shirt with padding.

The Cost of Inauthenticity


My avoidance rippled through every part of my life. Fear of judgment kept me from expressing myself. I dimmed my light to blend in, to avoid making others uncomfortable or inviting their scorn.


In those moments of hiding, I found solace in the flickering glow of my television, immersing myself in the lives of queer characters in movies and TV shows. Late at night, while the house slept, I’d binge-watch anything LGBTQ+ I could find within the iconic red envelopes of Netflix. These stories became my lifeline, a secret portal to a world where people like me existed—and even thrived.


I’ll never forget the first time I watched Queer as Folk. It was a revelation: a bold, unapologetic world where queer people lived openly, albeit imperfectly. The characters faced rejection, heartbreak, and discrimination but found love, joy, and community. Their bravery left me both inspired and envious. Movies like Hedwig and the Angry Inch and Angels in America were equally transformative—Hedwig’s journey of resilience in the face of immense hardship and the raw honesty of Angels in America’s characters navigating identity and loss during the AIDS crisis struck a deep chord. Even lighter fare, like the reality show Boy Meets Boy, offered glimpses of what life could look like if love and queerness were celebrated.


These stories didn’t just entertain me; they shaped me. They planted a seed of hope—I could step out of the shadows someday, live courageously, and embrace my truth. Yet, even as I rewound scenes and absorbed the strength of these characters, I couldn’t help but wonder: Would I ever be brave enough to live like that?


A Shift in Perspective: Embracing Authenticity


When I finally came out, my father pulled me aside for a heart-to-heart. He admitted that all the gay characters he’d ever seen in media seemed to lead tragic lives—marked by heartbreak, addiction, or untimely deaths. He worried that my life might mirror theirs. But he didn’t understand that I didn’t connect with the despair of those characters. I connected with their resilience and choice to live boldly and authentically despite the odds.


Anaïs Nin once wrote, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” For me, that day came when I realized that living a life in the closet wasn’t truly living. Life is meant to be experienced fully, with all its heartbreaks and triumphs. Without the possibility of heartbreak, there’s no capacity for love. Without the risk of failure, there’s no opportunity for growth.


Reflecting on Your Truth


As I’ve embraced my authenticity, I’ve found a deeper connection to myself and others. Now, I invite you to reflect on your journey. Where are you hiding? Where have fear, shame, or the opinions of others kept you from living your truth?


Here are a few questions to guide your reflection:

  • What parts of yourself have you been afraid to share with the world?

  • When have you felt most authentic and alive?

  • What’s one step you could take today to live more fully and truthfully?


Tools for Living Authentically


If you’re ready to step into your truth, here are a few tools and practices that might help:

  1. Journaling for Clarity: Write about a time when you felt inauthentic. What held you back? How did it feel? Then, write about a moment when you felt fully yourself. What can you learn from that contrast?

  2. Create a Safe Space: Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. Authenticity thrives in an environment of love and acceptance.

  3. Daily Affirmations: Remind yourself daily of your worth and strength. Try affirmations like: “I am enough. My truth is powerful. I am worthy of being seen.”

  4. Practice Small Acts of Authenticity: Start with small steps—share your thoughts openly with a trusted friend, wear an outfit that makes you feel amazing, or pursue a passion you’ve been hesitant to explore.

  5. Visualize Your Fullest Self: Spend a few minutes each day imagining yourself living authentically. What does it look like? How does it feel? Let this vision guide your actions.


Living Your Truth: A Collective Journey

Living authentically isn’t just a gift to yourself—it’s an act of service to the world.


When you show up as your full, vibrant self, you inspire others to do the same. You create space for connection, understanding, and love.


So, let’s take this journey together. Let’s step out of the shadows, embrace our truths, and live boldly. The world doesn’t need perfect people; it needs real ones. Your authenticity is your superpower—use it to light the way for others.

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